She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
