So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
