I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
