My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
