Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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