If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
