Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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