they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
