she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize