I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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