I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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