If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
