i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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