i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
