I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.