There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
