someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.