lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
