She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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