Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm getting married
To pizza
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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