can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
