She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
