shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
