And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am available for nakedness
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
