I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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