Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
