She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
