I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude. I can hear the air.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
