i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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