Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
