the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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