I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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