did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
