Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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