I wish my penis had an off switch
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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