We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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