I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
