oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
