I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize