I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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