bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
