i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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