How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
