The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
