Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
