sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
