i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You almost got us killed.
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