i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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