yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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