i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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