I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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