She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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