Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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