I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
