She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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