I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
