the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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