so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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