Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
