just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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