Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
