when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
