my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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