You just made me feel so damn special
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
