Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
