There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
