Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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