I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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