I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
