Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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