you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
