Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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